Oops, My Temper Just Got Lost!
One winter day, I stopped at a coffee shop that was also in the hospital. I finished my coffee and stopped by the location right inside the hospital lobby. The barista noted I had the wrong cup and told me I needed to buy a whole coffee, not just a refill. I lost it. I was stressed about my husband upstairs on chemo, I was not sleeping well and, I just lost my temper and started yelling. When I calmed back down I was mortified. What had I done, and how could I do better? I apologized and slinked off back upstairs to my sick husband.
I realize that as a cancer caregiver, it's not uncommon to feel frustrated, stressed, and overwhelmed at times. But it's important to remember that losing your temper is a normal and understandable response to the stress of caregiving.
One of the biggest triggers of losing your temper is feeling like you have no control over your life at present. The illness of your loved one is incredibly unpredictable making it hard to plan around what you need to do for care. It can also be frustrating if your loved one is not following the care plan or not taking the treatment as prescribed or when you disagree about the next best steps.
Another trigger of losing your temper can be a feeling of isolation and lack of support. Being a caregiver can be a very lonely experience, and it can be difficult to find people who truly understand what you're going through.
So, what can you do when you feel like you're about to lose your temper? Here are a few tips:
Take a deep breath: Sometimes, all it takes is a deep breath to calm yourself down.
Find a release valve: Find an activity that helps you release your emotions such as writing, painting, or even a simple walk around the block.
Communicate: If your loved one is healthy enough, talk openly and honestly about how you're feeling and try to work together to find solutions to the challenges you're facing. If your loved one is too ill, confide in a friend, family member or look to find a support group in person or online. Remember, you're not alone in this journey and it's important to have a support system in place.
Practice self-care: I can’t say this enough. It’s so hard to do, but please make sure to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. This can help to reduce stress and prevent burnout.
Be patient with yourself and know that losing your temper can be a normal response to the stress of caregiving. It's not something to be ashamed of or to beat yourself up over. You can always apologize, and most people will understand. With the right tools and support, you can learn to manage your emotions and find ways to cope with the stress of caregiving. Remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself, and to reach out for help when you need it.
Photo Credit: Photo by Kim Escalone on Unsplash
